December to remember. Awesome-ness!!

My blog----->   http://140-160andbackagain.blogspot.com/

I wanna keep this short and simple. 

2010 has been a year of ups and downs. I have learned so much about myself and the strengths and weaknesses I possess. I've been impressed by what I can accomplish and the love people have given me. I am blessed by every passing moment and even though it wasn't the better of years, I am still here and can honestly say I have become a better person. 

I have traveled around the world, lived in 3 different countries and had the honor of competing in the sport of cycling throughout Europe. It's been great. But honestly, when I look back, nothing compares to the moments I have with you guys. The minutes or seconds with you, getting to know you more on a deeper level.  So, thank you to all my friends who have been there for me. Thank you to all the new friends I have made and to those I will become friends with. I am grateful for my health and the chance to live a fulfilling life. I am grateful for my new job and a roof over my head. Thank you for all the wonderful memories. Thank you for showing me the many fun things about life. Thank you for everything. Thank you thank you thank you... 

Thank you to everyone who have read my blog and continues to. Thank you for your support and I apologise I haven't been consistently writing. It's been a rough November and December for me, but I continue to move forward. You will see more entries for January and I will have you guys in my heart with your thoughtful comments and advice. You guys have made me a better person and I in turn owe you guys big! 

No cheesy lines to end this blog entry, except to say... I hope to see you all soon, HAPPY NEW YEAR and I will talk to you soon. Be safe, ciao!! 

Music makes the world go round. Right??

(picture from http://www.meditate-on-it.com/meditation-music.html)

Music makes the world go round and it certainly helps me throughout my day. When a hint of a crappy day is around the corner, music comes and snatches that piece of s**t away. I can just whistle a tune  or sing a disney song and boom, I feel that much better at work. Once music grabs you, you're on a whole new planet. I cannot imagine anyone saying that music does not inspire. If you are that one person, I truly am sorry for you, but I would be happy to help you find a song that will. Music are like clothes, it can fit you to any occasion. lol.

This past week, I read a story about a man who had a goal of owning 100 things. This includes, socks, toothbrush, books, dvds, etc.. He was inspired to live minimally and felt owning too much possession can be distracting. In a way, I agree and I just felt I had too much junk that I have been lazy to get to and sort out. I finally mustered enough strength and will power to overhaul my home and sort out my stuff. Now I'm not going to own 100 things, but I've been sorting out what I really need and what I can live without. We always think we need to hang on, but we really don't. We feel so deserving of something and maybe because we worked so hard for it, but it's still a material item. We shouldn't be too attached to our possessions; they all and come and go. We get something new, we love it for a bit, then we get used to it, complacent and comfortable and then we want something new.  Anyway, if only I was able to take a before and after picture though. That would have been really cool because I gotta tell you, there was a huge difference, almost night and day. I'm not just done yet, but I am more than 50% done with this home. (Sigh of relief again)

Everyday for breakfast, I've been making sure I eat a healthy one. I have been eating cereal with either reduced fat milk or soymilk in a bowl and with either OJ or water. Last time, I said I'm going to take it slow with this whole eating healthier thing. Just putting yourself out there and going all out can really burn you out. So with eating a good breakfast and keeping it different everyday, I actually look forward to eating something good for me in the morning. They say variety is the spice of life and I have to agree. Eating the same thing everyday can be so traumatising and keep you away from certain food, like me and Subway. Lesson learned. Variety variety variety! Next, different snacks.

Before I go, I have to say. It has been a relief to hear from the Orthopedist saying that my xrays of my knee are negative. For now, a physical therapist will be working with me and hopefully that'll do the job. HOPEFULLY! If not, next plan of action, TBA. I've been resting my knee when not at work, and when I need to exercise, I just use the elliptical and/or swim. I always said I wanted to get back into competition and maybe ucla's master swim team can be in the future? Time will only tell.

Finishing December strong.

Lately, I've been thinking about my birthday. And even though it wasn't the most glamorous or festive of usual birthdays, I thought it was one of the best birthdays by far. Everything was simple but meaningful. At the stroke of midnight, I took my dog out for a walk. Nobody was outside and it felt like it was just Forza and I in the world. It was quiet, still and I was able to think with a clear head and imagine all the possibilities in my life.

Taking that back to today, my birthday gave me a glimpse of what can become of today and tomorrow with hard work, determination, humbleness, and gratefulness. With 2011 coming around the corner, I want to finish off this month with a bang. I took my birthday as a motivating factor to be stronger as a person at 27. Now with just three weeks left, I CANNOT let up now. Most people look to January as the time to start fresh and work on our goals. But for me, I wanna finish strong NOW so for 2011, I can come into the new year with more confidence (hopefully) and lean with a new swag, lol.

I have to say, work has been less stressful. I feel I've been able to get through work more and more without stressing out. Yes it's mostly good stress, but I know we can all due without most of it. Recently, I've learned about people in Ethiopia and how some of them have to walk miles just to get something to eat, go to school or barter goods. I personally can't imagine walking 20 miles just for something I can pick up locally with my car. But thinking about them and how I don't want to take things for granted really got my mind working and not complaining at work. "So and so yelled at me and is telling me this and that..." 'Ya??? Well, my son just walked 20 miles to get our family a few glasses of water in the sun. So I guess I can understand where you're coming from.' --- so ya,  complaining doesn't seem so appetizing to me right now.

On another note, I've still been trying to eat healthier. I've definitely been inconsistent. My knee has been holding me back, which kinda got me down again leading to me eating bad mixes of consumable items. On the brighter side, I've decided to let medicine help me back with my recovery process. I don't want to work out just to get fitter without helping my knee out. It'll just backlash in the future. So today, I'm seeing my Orthopedist. What's the point of looking good for the sacrifice of a better knee? Nothing, cause a better knee will serve a better purpose in the future, like carrying my children and playing with them, or putting up our X-Mas tree. But anyway, wish me luck today!

Manny and the world of sports. Well kind of..

The good ol' days..

For the past two weeks, I've been trying my best to work out. Unfortunately for me an old friend visited just recently. The stiffness of my knee. The hidden pain the comes and goes when I work out my legs. But I am lucky it does not hurt or bother me when I work at the hospital.

Since the year 2006, I have been haunted by this pain. I used to compete in many triathlons and cycling races for years. It was my life and it was what consumed pretty much most of my time when I was not eating or studying. But after injuring my leg, I thought my life was over. For years I struggled to cope with the fact I was and probably will never be the way I was prior to the accident. After graduating from college, I was so depressed, I gained about 20 pounds and didn't even know it. Well that's until all of my clothes wouldn't fit.

No one ever teaches you about coping with injury. When an athlete gets injured, especially seriously high level injured, you still think you're Superman. You think that within one week, you'll be able to get back out there and just continue where you left off. I was wrong. Week after week, I kept dropping out in the middle of practice because my knee would hurt like hell. So I decided to stop showing up. It's hard enough to watch everyone do what they love while one is sidelined, helpless. Cutting myself off from both teams and from the world of bicycles, running and swimming was the only was I can get over it. I stopped talking to everyone and anyone associated with it. I didn't drink, but I ate and that's for sure.

I tried getting help from an Ortho Doc and a Chiropractor. Everyone had a different opinion and after repeated visits, without any progress, I started to realize they were probably keeping me around for the money. Who knows for sure, but the point is that I didn't feel better or stronger. I waited another year before I got help and that's when I saw a physical therapist. She definitely got the job done and got me going. I started to feel great until my insurance coverage with my mother expired. I didn't have enough money to continue on and I had many bills to pay. Since then, I never got help again.

I think that's another reason why I started this blog. I did this also for my knee, for the hope of getting my knee back to the state of getting back up and doing what I love to do, competing in sports. After watching Manny Pacquiao defeat Antonio Margarito, I started to reminisce about all the times I used to watch him from college and after, work my ass off in practice because of how much he inspired me. I feel no matter what what he does on that ring, he inspires not only every Filipino, but every person who aspires to be great. Wether that be in the kitchen, in class, in the hospital or out in the field. I don't know, but after watching the fight over and over this week, I have decided to get my knee back to the way it was years ago. I'm scared that it will never get better no matter what. But I have to try.

To those of you reading...I know many of you think this is a blog about me just losing weight, but I'm sorry to disappoint some of you... This is a blog about my journey and redemption to a better life that will hopefully inspire others. This blog is about overcoming those mountains we never thought we can climb. And right now, I'm on a road to see what else is out there when I step out of my comfort zone and try to achieve what I feel in my life is impossible.

I'll leave you guys with this trailor to the new movie "The Fighter"

Well... It's been a while. Wouldn't you say?

I hate to admit it, but. I said it. The "but" word, the excuse... BUT, after the last week of October working out, I started to get real fatigued and took a week to recover. During that time, I just ate like crap. Week after week I kept putting off my workouts. Those late nights partying, staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning, I thought I could just get up early the next day and have an intense work out without suffering from lack of sleep or recovery. But I thought wrong and it pains me to say that I have failed again.

It's crazy that it's been a few weeks since I last posted. I really didn't know what to say to all of you. How I slacked off and it felt good to eat chinese fried rice every day? How I might have let some of you down who were counting on me? It's a weird feeling. I just want to say, I'm still here trying to make up for some lost time, so don't lose faith in me just yet.

I find myself anxious every time my house is a mess. I can't think, do work, and at times can't sleep when I know my environment is a mess. I know it's easier to clean a messy home than to maintain a clean house. I don't want to blame it all on the mess that led me to my first failed attempt to keep a consistent healthy-style living, but I reallly hate living in a dump.

This last week, I took the time to clean and donate a bunch of my belongings to Goodwill. I never realized how much more junk I owned and junk that was rarely used. It is a relief to get rid of some stuff. I hold such ties to material things, that every once in a while it's good to let go and not look back. This place is looking a lot better.

As you can see, I didn't place any pictures of myself here with the progress. I saw no point if I didn't do anything. I can tell you, I'm at about 153 and not feeling that great. I can feel the effects of eating junk food. I feel less energetic and I feel lazier. My stress level did go up for a while, but that is another topic I want to discuss next time. Whether we know it or not, we encounter stress daily. Some are more pronounce than others, but still affect us the same way.

Until next time... I apologise if this post is lame. I feel a bit embarrassed to even be writing this.. Ciao.

Has it been a month already?? I guess this is the 1 Month review...

What can I say? The past month has gone by with a blink of an eye. I started this blog to start my new journey, so that I may look back and reflect on what kind of life I led. In the past 30 days, I learned so much more about myself and all the things that I need to improve on. It was hard, but I'm still here.

One of the lessons I learned this past month, is just to take things step by step.  We try so hard to become this great person, that we think we can just jump right to the finish line and call it a day. We want to please everybody, but we can't do that if we are sacrificing who we are. I learned it the hard way. I thought it was that easy to just leave the bad habits and just straight into the better ones and move along. I guess building a foundation and appreciating the moments is the ultimate way to take our early steps. You dont want to hurt anyone on your way, and certainly don't want to make big mistakes when trying anything. I have to be more aware and cautious.

Second lesson, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. When it is tired, rest. When I am thirsty, drink water. Don't fight my body and don't try toughening it out. I ran into my biggest fear, Mr Overtraining. He makes me feel so fatigued and like crap to the point I don't want to do anything. Resting and refueling is the greatest gift I can give my body.

I am happy to say that since starting to eat healthier and working out more, I have been sleeping better and I have been having more energy during the day. I know it's funny to say since I just talked about overtraining, but I really have to give praise to the way I've been feeling for most of October. I have been eating more spinach, carrots, and fruits and I look forward to eating more of the same.

So I went from 154 to 150. That's a pound a week. Not a whole lot, but I'm in no rush for that. A friend of mine jokingly asked me, "that's it?" Yes that's it. I don't expect to lose weight or gain more muscle in a short period of time. I'm enjoying my exploration of eating healthier food and my workouts. Some of you might have seen me eat something totally opposite of healthy, but the point is this. I don't want to always, 100% of the time watch what I eat. When I'm with my friends, I love eating comfort food. I'm not always with them, so why not?? I can have a cheat day or two, but as long as I'm eating healthier more and more when I'm not around them. I may only have lost a pound a week, but hey, I gotta start somewhere.

And before I end this blog, I have to say THANK YOU. Thank you to everyone reading my blog and supporting me in this journey. Whether it's a small comment to even "liking" my post, you guys have seen me in this first month endure, what I have been going through. Your comments and "likes" have definitely sparked a fire in my heart. I hope you guys continue to read and if may be, please comment, send me a message, suggestion, or helpful tips on anything that can be beneficial. You guys are great. ttyl.

I wish I knew what its like being Superman. Week 4 Review...

Starting weight: 154lbs

Week 4 weight: 150lbs

Starting waist: 34"

Week 4 waist: 33"

 As week four comes to an end, I must say it has been a struggle to make it to this point. The first week and a half has been like a honeymoon to me. I was very motivated, on point and stayed consistent through my program/goal. I still am motivated, no doubt, but I am grateful I caught it early so I can maintain. Many temptations have came my way and many of them I have avoided.

I work out five days a week, with two cardio days and three weight lifting days. On the days Im off, I try to stay lower on the calories and concentrate on mostly lean protein such as chicken breast and 90/10 beef, along with vegetables.

Last week, I talked about over-training. Today, I have started to feel that way. I wish I knew what it's like being Superman. I am a bit more fatigued, dehydrated and last night I was a bit restless in my sleep. Also I had an allergy attack which sucks. So through out the day, I took my multivitamins, fish oil, flaxseed oil, chewable vitamin C and drank about 80 ounces of water. New plan to add, TAKE MORE NAPS... The upcoming three days, I will take it easy and not work out. I'm assuming all this started when I went deep sea fishing on Tuesday. I had like 4.5 hours of sleep and felt a bit woozy on the boat and was covered in the sun practically the whole day. Not to mention I was on my feet so it was one hell of a long day. Then instead of recovering the following day, I worked out and went straight to work after. Something there could have played better.

Gotta clean the house some more. So... Until then, Ciao!

I love lamp?? Week 3 Review

Starting weight: 154lbs

Week 4 weight: 151lbs

Just another day. It's been a tough week. I'm still here hanging on, and facing new challenges on this road to a healthier lifestyle. On this entry I just want to share my progress and a couple challenges I've ran into. First, when I am hungry, I am HUNGRY, for food. Not healthy food, but some good ol' fashion chinese fried rice or hot wings from KFC. I'm not disappointed because I have been eating on average, healthier. 2 out of 3 meals a day are definitely healthy meals so I can't complain.

I've been eating about 5-6 times a day with three full meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner) and two snacks in between my meals. I already knew that my metabolism would kick into high gear once I started eating breakfast and more frequently with snacks. What I didn't expect was the intensity of my metabolism on the days I work. The secret for me is that I CANNOT stay hungry. Therefore I have to keep eating and keep hunger away. Sometimes it's hard when I have patients and other duties to tend to. Time goes by without noticing and next thing you know it, it's time to clock out and I am hungrier than a hippo lol. For the next week, I'll be keeping an eye out on that.

Second challenge is getting sleep. It's ok if I am not working out and getting only six hours of sleep. But with extra curricular activities and lifting weights, my body requires more sleep, at least eight hours. There's so many things to do at night in my opinion. Im so used to finishing things last minute. Just like school, we used to procrastinate and finish our homework late at night. So lately, I'm either trying to finish reading or finish watching an episode of Nip Tuck by Fx (can also be watched through streaming on Netflix, (Check out netflix.com for more details)) lol. Without sleep, our bodies cannot recover and when they cannot recover, we get sick. Not too many people know this, but when we work out more often our immune system can be weaken without proper nutrition and rest. So a lot of people including myself can get "over-trained" and that is the beginning to something worse if we don't put attention to it. Too many times I've been over-trained and had to wait days just to get back to hitting the gym. I guess the number "8" will be my new favorite number.   =)

How to be a so called, "player" in this game of life..

I just want to start off by saying, there is nothing wrong with trying to be ambitious. It doesn't mean that we are trying to be greedy. I think it means we are wanting to achieve something that is bigger than us so we can attain it and share it with the world. Whether it is money, getting that job, getting that gal/guy, getting that grade, house or getting into that school. Anything.

I try my best, day in and day out to be as content and grateful as I can be. But in the inside, I want more. I know we all want more for ourselves. I say "but," like it's an excuse. It's not. It's an addition to what reminds me of not being complacent. I think at times our mind and body wants to remind us of how much potential we have. I myself, would like to explore that.

Now, I don't want "more" if it means that I'll be acting like I'm better than everybody else. If I know that achieving success, a healthier life, money, nice body etc. will only lead me to hurting those around me and looking like a selfish, showy prick, then I don't even want to bother with all this, it's not worth it. Everything that comes my way, I want to share it with as much people as I can. I don't want to be selfish. I mean, I don't think I am, but maybe some of you do and trust me, I'm so sorry. Let me know and I will work on it. I've sat underneath a tree, thinking about all the times in the past I only did things for myself because I was being a brat and I was lazy. Tisk tisk.

I'm hoping one day I can inspire at least one person, whether it's a homeless man on the street or a kid who doesn't have a father or a mother, like some of us. Doesn't matter, as long as that person I can inspire will make a better difference for himself and others. I saw the Blind Side movie last night, starring Sandra Bullock. It's based on a true story about a poor, homeless kid in high school who is taken in by a family in a suburban home. This family looked beyond this kid's background and displayed great acts of selflessness. This person went on to become an Outside tackle for the Baltimore Ravens. I look at contentment and ambition, and see something bigger when combined. So even with all this, I am incredibly thankful for everything around me. I still sit here tonight, a humbled man and dream about my ambitions to explore my potentials and sharing it with all of you.



Goals for now:
1. Be more thankful
2. Pray/meditate more
3. Eat healthier
4. Work out more
5. Quit less (however you want to look at that)
6. Stop being so judgmental and love more.
7. Be selfless
8. Explore my potentials

My healthier lifestyle.. Week 2 Review

Starting weight: 154lbs

Week 3 weight: 151lbs


Stress is something everyone tries to avoid. Some are better than others. Some just go insane. If stress is something that I mastered, then who knows where I'd be today. I remember the days when I get really really stressed, I'd freeze up and just lay in bed letting time pass by thinking about all my insecurities and all the things I won't be able to get done. I would almost think my life was coming to an end and that all the things I worked for would never pay off. My heart would beat fast, my breathing would be a bit more shallow and Id breathe faster. My head would feel like it's ready to explode and when times are at its worst, then I'd feel like the world is going to end. I used to handle stress so poorly that I just had to give up on everything.

As a newly 27 year old, stress has become a part of my life. The difference now is how I choose to cope and handle it. I used to worry so much about what I will lose and not get, that, I forget about what I have at this moment. I'm trying my best just to stay in the present. Take a moment to just close my eyes, take a deep breathe, and tell myself (as cheesy as it may sound to you all), "take your time Justin. you can do it, just breathe.." Once I tell myself that, everything starts to slow down. Now I don't do it all the time. I do it probably 20% of a possible 100, but it's one of the things I am definitely working on.

Wherever and whatever life throws at us, I've learned to just be like water. Bruce Lee explains it best.

Week 1 review.. Alrighty then.

I can't believe a week has gone by since my first post.  I have to mention that my birthday was great. It lasted from Thursday until last night, Monday. I feel so blessed that so many people took part of their day to hang out with me. Linda, a friend of mine who along with my friend Mike, took me out to one of my favorite restaurants. They busted out with a red velvet cupcake that I love and sang me happy birthday. Right before I blew out the candle, Linda said to make a wish. We hear it all the time for our birthdays, but I feel it was the first time that I took the time to reflect and really think about what I want to wish for. I guess I can't say what I wished for, but I can say that I didn't take it for granted and that I was immediately overjoyed despues. So thank you everyone again for making my transition to 27 years old a great one to remember.

 I haven't worn this dress-pant for years and I was bummed when it couldn't fit for my birthday.

   This past week, I started working out again. The goal was to just get back into strength training and rehabilitating my knee from a previous injury. At the same time, I wanted to improve by average what I ate. I still ate my rice and at times I ate spam because I was broke and/or I couldn't think of a place to eat at 12 am. I did buy strawberries, kiwis, apples, bananas and ate at Subway a few times. So on average, I think I am heading to the right direction..

 On Sunday I got my body fat test aka Body Composition Analysis. I usually do it about once a year to see where I am at. What they do is dunk you in a tank of water and from there, they measure your weight, weight of lean body mass, weight of body fat and the body fat percentage. I've had it done at a gym once or twice, but this place I go to is the purest form and the gold standard by which all other ways of measuring are compared to. It's fun and I think it's a great way to have a starting point to look back on in the future.  So here it is..

Height: 5'5"
Weight: 154 lbs
Lean Lb: 125 lbs
Fat lb:   29 lbs!!!
Body Fat%- 19%

My condition is considered "Fair" about 1.5% away from "Poor." It's scary to see that I can be considered "Poor" for my height, weight, and age. It's another step closer to a future with acute coronary syndrome, a stroke, diabetes, and a trip to the ER. Just to think four years ago, when I used to run marathons, compete in road races as a cyclist and compete in triathlons, I was 142 with 9% body fat. I always thought I'd be like that, eating whatever I wanted. With all that, I definitely kicked my butt into the weights. I have a program now that I will be following to the best of my abilities. I believe it's much easier to hit the weights when you know exactly what you're going to do. Too many times I have been to the gym and worked out here and there, and wondering what next to do. It wastes too much time and I think there is also a lack of motivation.

Challenge of the night:
Tonight was the first night that I did not eat WHITE RICE for dinner, at home... It was ridiculously hard. I almost went across the street to the chinese restaurant just to buy some! Part of this new venture in life is to overcome all the temptations and bad habits that have made me so unhealthy. Even cleaning, I have such a hard time finishing my room. I start but I never finish. It's like I was motivated then I stopped because I didn't know how else to clean my room so I left it as it was and developed anxiety from quitting. That's right. I get anxiety when I quit. It's because I know in my head I shouldn't, but my body is telling me to just stop. I recently ran into a quote by Benjamin Franklin, "Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today." It's an instruction, but coming from an icon who invented many famous things, I think I'm going to take that into consideration. I hope I can one day stop being such a quitter. I believe quitting should only be done when it's smart, thought out and for good reason, not because of laziness. I am gonna slap the hell out of that quitter in me and call it my bitch.

Goals for now:
1. Be more thankful
2. Pray/meditate more
3. Eat healthier
4. Work out more
5. Quit less (however you want to look at that)
6. Stop being so judgmental and love more.

A special edition blog. Birthday edition.

So my birthday was yesterday, September 30. It was a very very looong day.. I woke up yesterday morning contemplating the rest of my life. I am now 27 years old and I am starting to really wonder if I have accomplished anything in life. I was comfortable with 26 because when I look at my fingers counting my age, 26 is just that much physically closer to 25 on my left hand than 27. 27 looks like it's pulling me away from my youth. Sorry if this confuses you all. Anyway, I laid in bed for another 45 minutes staring at the ceiling. I started to miss everything I used to do. But then I remembered that at 27, I should be even more thankful for what I have.

I concentrate so much on the future, what I want to get, and where I want to be. I seemed to have forgotten what is in front of me and what I have. Instead of living like each day were our last, which I find very stressing, I'm trying to live mainly in the present. I've been reading "The Peaceful Warrior" and this Dalai Lama book "The Art of Happiness." I respect the living our last day thing, but it's just so stressful to live every day like it were our last. I mean, I think it will be effective for the first few days, but then I think I'd habituate and then be complacent again. Complacent is something I really try to avoid. I mean as the 24 hours are about to expire and I think I haven't done it big, I'd be stressed as hell. Wouldn't you? I want more in life, but not in the expense of admiring the present moment. I notice that when I worry about the future and not be in the present, I stress out. Especially when I used to plan how many pounds I wanted to be within three months for summer time. When we dont reach that goal, weight or six pack, we always say, "ok, next time" until we feel like shit. Overall, I just want to live in the moment and lose myself in it.

Going back to my birthday, I bought Porto's and brought it to my job as a gesture for everyone there, and to say goodbye to a couple of great co-workers who was working their last day. I got them a couple of farewell gifts and I just have to say that I'm really going to miss them. They were so hard working and super cool that I just had to give them a gift that they'd enjoy. It didn't hurt that they were very pretty at all. lol. Before I went out with some friends, I met up with a good friend who I haven't seen in one year. I really messed up and I left a great friendship without explanation. I was too much of a coward to admit why I did what I did and completely shut her out of my life. A few days earlier something came over me and made me think of this girl. Why did I just push her away? Nothing was going on and there was no reason to just completely ignore her. Am I really that guy? So I texted her. I was expecting no reply at all after what I did. Missing her wedding and ignoring her phone calls. But there, a text, a small sign of hope. I began to chat back and forth with her until we decided to meet up for supper. To make this long story short, I put myself out there, put my vulnerability out on display and I was ready for my lashes. To my surprise we're friends again. I thank the heavens so much for giving me another chance to be friends her. This time I won't mess it up. Im not going to let my insecurities get in the way of hurting anyone, anymore. Life takes me up and down, but I'm just so grateful to still have amazing people around me who can see through my imperfections. Thank you Ashley, Jenn, Char, Mark, Joy, Jeff, Ayi, RJ, Forza, and everyone who made my birthday a memorable one. I am very humbled.

On my way to a healthier lifestyle... (I hope)

Hello I'm writing today, because I want to change my life. I'm fed up of making so many excuses about why I cant do this or that. I'm hoping this time around I can make this life changing commitment not only for myself but possibly for my loved ones around me.

I never fully understood the concept of dieting.  For starters, there are people who hardly eat and consider that dieting. Then you have those who use an Atkins diet for low to no carbs at all. What else, the South Beach diet. Most people like me before, dieted to try and look good. We are all self-conscious whether we know it or not. Hell I've always been self-conscious about how I looked and how short I am at 5'5" But as years go by, I feel more and more comfortable being this short or tall, however you want to look at it. Maybe it's my confidence, whatever. The point is, what kind of life do I want to live? Do I want to be that guy who's always so worried about how I'm going to look and what I need to do to have a body like Ryan Reynolds? Do I want to look back in life and say "what if?/if only.."  now that I can barely wipe my ass at 65?? No. I want to live a healthier lifestyle that can give me the opportunity to make the most out of my life.

I've been working in the medical field for one year now, volunteering two. I used to work for an ambulance company and go on calls picking up patients who can barely take care of themselves. Most of them are over the age of 60, but when I think about how some people get to this position, most of it stemmed back to the way they took care of themselves when they were my age, 20s, even 30s-40s. Not eating right, smoking and drinking and just abusing their bodies. I'm not perfect because I've abused my body for most of my 20s, but now that I work in an Emergency Room caring for patients, I see so much potential we have right now and I feel we need to take advantage of it so we can live life more for our friends and family when we are much much older.

I'm getting tired of that saying after a conversation about eating bad or being overweight etc etc. "It's ok, you're still young" Exactly what does that mean to you? Maybe it's a way to stay optimistic. Maybe it's the person's way of saying, "go ahead keep doing what you're doing, because I don't care." But whatever it means, it really has to go. Years go by and we continue on with that excuse. Going back to my job as an EMT in the ER, you see a wide range of patients. I've seen a 100 year old waiting in the waiting room to be seen after she fell when she was doing chores. She still walked and chatted about to her room to be examined by the doctor. I've also seen a 70 year old person carried into the room because they can no longer care for themselves. The 100 year old lady must have amazing genes, but I can tell you right now from what I've learned from working for a year. And that is, we can live many more years, fulfilling years with our children, grandchildren, family friends without having to rely on so much medication because of a previous unhealthy lifestyle.

As you can tell, I'm very passionate about this. This is just the start. A buddy/neighbor/respectable trainer told me when I was really trying to find a way out of this slump, that I should start this blog because it might help me. I really don't care if no one reads this (I'm most likely in denial cause of course more support the better, lol).. I'm doing this for myself and my loved ones. I want to finish something that I have started. I want to stop making excuses and I want to prove to myself that I can be a better person, mentally, physically, emotionally, everything. How can I love others if I don't love myself? Sooooo... I want to love all you guys back!! Let's see where all this takes me.