So my birthday was yesterday, September 30. It was a very very looong day.. I woke up yesterday morning contemplating the rest of my life. I am now 27 years old and I am starting to really wonder if I have accomplished anything in life. I was comfortable with 26 because when I look at my fingers counting my age, 26 is just that much physically closer to 25 on my left hand than 27. 27 looks like it's pulling me away from my youth. Sorry if this confuses you all. Anyway, I laid in bed for another 45 minutes staring at the ceiling. I started to miss everything I used to do. But then I remembered that at 27, I should be even more thankful for what I have.
I concentrate so much on the future, what I want to get, and where I want to be. I seemed to have forgotten what is in front of me and what I have. Instead of living like each day were our last, which I find very stressing, I'm trying to live mainly in the present. I've been reading "The Peaceful Warrior" and this Dalai Lama book "The Art of Happiness." I respect the living our last day thing, but it's just so stressful to live every day like it were our last. I mean, I think it will be effective for the first few days, but then I think I'd habituate and then be complacent again. Complacent is something I really try to avoid. I mean as the 24 hours are about to expire and I think I haven't done it big, I'd be stressed as hell. Wouldn't you? I want more in life, but not in the expense of admiring the present moment. I notice that when I worry about the future and not be in the present, I stress out. Especially when I used to plan how many pounds I wanted to be within three months for summer time. When we dont reach that goal, weight or six pack, we always say, "ok, next time" until we feel like shit. Overall, I just want to live in the moment and lose myself in it.
Going back to my birthday, I bought Porto's and brought it to my job as a gesture for everyone there, and to say goodbye to a couple of great co-workers who was working their last day. I got them a couple of farewell gifts and I just have to say that I'm really going to miss them. They were so hard working and super cool that I just had to give them a gift that they'd enjoy. It didn't hurt that they were very pretty at all. lol. Before I went out with some friends, I met up with a good friend who I haven't seen in one year. I really messed up and I left a great friendship without explanation. I was too much of a coward to admit why I did what I did and completely shut her out of my life. A few days earlier something came over me and made me think of this girl. Why did I just push her away? Nothing was going on and there was no reason to just completely ignore her. Am I really that guy? So I texted her. I was expecting no reply at all after what I did. Missing her wedding and ignoring her phone calls. But there, a text, a small sign of hope. I began to chat back and forth with her until we decided to meet up for supper. To make this long story short, I put myself out there, put my vulnerability out on display and I was ready for my lashes. To my surprise we're friends again. I thank the heavens so much for giving me another chance to be friends her. This time I won't mess it up. Im not going to let my insecurities get in the way of hurting anyone, anymore. Life takes me up and down, but I'm just so grateful to still have amazing people around me who can see through my imperfections. Thank you Ashley, Jenn, Char, Mark, Joy, Jeff, Ayi, RJ, Forza, and everyone who made my birthday a memorable one. I am very humbled.
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